But first, what is unhappiness?
Simply put, unhappiness is the state of not being happy.
But what causes it and how do we recognize it within ourselves?
I think unhappiness is a symptom of perfectionism. As capable functioning humans, we yearn to be perfect. That’s why we set unrealistic expectations and goals for ourselves. The second we realize that we are in any way inadequate, we spiral and the perfect world inside our head comes crashing down. It’s also the reason why it’s so damn hard for us to show vulnerability and accept help. This, is how we cause our own internal suffering.
Two observations I made early on in my life that shed some insights on this self-inflicted suffering:
Any sadness or pain I feel is temporary and caused by things outside my control
Anything outside my control will always work itself out in the end (with or without my help)
Once these observations clicked, one thing became paramount: When I choose to focus on the things I can control, everything else starts to fall into place.
Here’s my non-exhaustive starter pack of things I can control:
How I choose to look at the obstacles in my life as learning lessons.
How I choose to not allow someone to make me feel a certain way.
How I choose to represent and respect myself.
How I choose to show up every day and be thankful for what I have.
What’s yours?